Becoming a Wicked ..Awesome Step Mother!
Becoming a Step Mother has been the biggest commitment I have ever made in my entire life.
Becoming a step daughter myself at the age of 12 I understand more clear than anyone the challenges, confusions and emotions a young kid goes through. I also know the hell I put my step parents through.
What I didn't realize was all the rejection I would get from "outsiders" as a new step mom.
I have been forced to deal with many different emotions and opinions of others surrounding my marriage and the children.
I am most surprised with the kids mother rejecting me. It had been 8+ years since their divorce - so why am I being treating me like I am invisible. Not an important part of her children's lives.
Irrelevant on any background story when an ex spouse re marries this must take a toll on any ex wife and mother. It must be hard to take out personal emotion for the children. I am not in this role myself but it is hard for me to know that I should keep a positive attitude and still try where I have been treated with negatively. It is hard to have people feel like it is ok to judge our lives. To tell me and my husband how to run our lives and household. "you need to understand..." "the kids are suffering" "you don't know what he put her through" "this is how things have always been"
Surprising, is people from my life not understanding my decision to marry a man with children.
Not understanding or liking my new responsibilities.
"jealous ex wife" from one side and "insecure new wife" from the other.
I wish for the kids everyone could just stop be happy for them ..for us Genuinely!
We have stranded ourselves on an island. One where we chose how happy to be!
I just want to say to all you ex wives please understand... we are not looking to replace you
we are not looking to take over your traditions
we are not jealous of you or your past with our husband
Nor do we assume you are jealous of us
we fell in love with a man with children ..your children
we treat them as best we can
We ask for respect and kindness for the important role we are now in
God Continue To Give Me Strength!
5 New Year's Resolutions for Stepmothers
Being a stepmother can be extremely challenging and can make many of us miserable. This is the ideal time of year to take stock of our lives and decide how we can improve them. Besides resolving to lose the proverbial ten pounds, to eat nutritiously, and to exercise regularly, consider making some specific resolutions for the New Year that will help you as a stepmother. Here are some for you to consider:
1. Live a life of your choosing rather than your partner’s: In our quest to become an integral member of our step families, too many of us stepmothers expend all our energies taking care of step family members with the consequence that we are too exhausted at the end of each day to focus on developing and attending to our own needs and interests. Be careful not to exclusively attach yourself to your partner’s life by spending all your time with his family and doing the activities he enjoys; make a concerted effort to be with your family and friends and to do activities that enhance your growth and development. Create a life that authentically expresses who you are.
2. Have a weekly date night with your partner: Being true to yourself does not mean you must ignore your partner. In fact, to be content as a stepmother and survive the stresses of step family life, your relationship with him must be the most important priority in your life and his (right after your own well-being, which should always come first). Having fun together strengthens your relationship and makes it easier to get over the crises when they occur.
3. Cushion yourself from rejection: Rejection by stepchildren and other family members is a common experience for many stepmothers. Naturally, this hurts. To cushion yourself against these wounds, reach out to friends and other stepmothers for support. Their love and support can buffer you from rejection if it occurs. Make an effort to spend time with friends.
4. Simplify your life: Many stepmothers complain about how tired they are, how much they have to do, and how little time they have to devote to themselves. What many of us don’t realize is that we have choices about what we do. We can regain our vitality in life by reprioritizing our responsibilities and eliminating certain tasks. To prevent burnout, you need to safeguard your time by saying “no” to unreasonable requests, and by choosing activities you really, really like to do, while letting go of the others. Make sure that household tasks are fairly shared.
5. Have fun every day: Laughter is truly the best medicine. Make sure you do something fun each day to offset the responsibilities in your life. Petting your dog or cat are simple, free activities that can make a huge difference in creating a positive outlook on life.
1. Live a life of your choosing rather than your partner’s: In our quest to become an integral member of our step families, too many of us stepmothers expend all our energies taking care of step family members with the consequence that we are too exhausted at the end of each day to focus on developing and attending to our own needs and interests. Be careful not to exclusively attach yourself to your partner’s life by spending all your time with his family and doing the activities he enjoys; make a concerted effort to be with your family and friends and to do activities that enhance your growth and development. Create a life that authentically expresses who you are.
2. Have a weekly date night with your partner: Being true to yourself does not mean you must ignore your partner. In fact, to be content as a stepmother and survive the stresses of step family life, your relationship with him must be the most important priority in your life and his (right after your own well-being, which should always come first). Having fun together strengthens your relationship and makes it easier to get over the crises when they occur.
3. Cushion yourself from rejection: Rejection by stepchildren and other family members is a common experience for many stepmothers. Naturally, this hurts. To cushion yourself against these wounds, reach out to friends and other stepmothers for support. Their love and support can buffer you from rejection if it occurs. Make an effort to spend time with friends.
4. Simplify your life: Many stepmothers complain about how tired they are, how much they have to do, and how little time they have to devote to themselves. What many of us don’t realize is that we have choices about what we do. We can regain our vitality in life by reprioritizing our responsibilities and eliminating certain tasks. To prevent burnout, you need to safeguard your time by saying “no” to unreasonable requests, and by choosing activities you really, really like to do, while letting go of the others. Make sure that household tasks are fairly shared.
5. Have fun every day: Laughter is truly the best medicine. Make sure you do something fun each day to offset the responsibilities in your life. Petting your dog or cat are simple, free activities that can make a huge difference in creating a positive outlook on life.
5ny res from: http://thehappystepmother.blogspot.com
I myself plan on removing any person who speaks negotively or does not support our marraige from our life!
Wishing you and your family a Healthy, Happy New Year!
Stepmother's Bill of Rights
I found this purely by accident one day, and wish I had known of it sooner. You see, most of the "rights' outlined below I have already come to decide (even demand at times) for myself but only after many tears, arguments and lots of hard feelings.
- I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times.
- People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
- I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.
- I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.
- I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.
- I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.
- Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
- I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.
- My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.
- Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.
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