Step Parent Statistics! The Ugly Truth!

Stepfamilies are Formed Out of Loss

An estimated one-third of children will live in a stepparent home before the age of 18 (1), and 50 percent will have a stepparent at some point in their lifetime (2). Whether death or divorce has disrupted the biological family, children often struggle to adjust. The family unit provides a child with the safety and security he or she needs. But when a parent dies or divorce occurs it's likely to induce insecurity and fear in a child's life. Many Christians falsely assume that a stepfamily formed due to the death of a parent is easier on the children than a remarriage after divorce. However, all loss is painful. Kids who are grieving often display frustration, depression, or belligerence. It's crucial for the stepmom to understand how loss can shatter dreams and instill long-term anxiety. A tremendous way she can learn is by attending a support group designed for kids who are suffering from the emotions associated with grief.

Many experts say stepmothers have a key role in making a blended family work. And they note that the blended family — whether the parents are married or just living together — is the family form of the future.

More than half of all Americans today have been, are now or will eventually be in one or more step situations, says the Stepfamily Association of America. About 30% of all kids are likely to spend time in some sort of "stepping" arrangement. And those kids are increasingly likely to be spending more time with a stepmom as courts begin favoring joint custody that increases the children's time with dad.

Among recent findings suggesting that stepmoms are often not cherished by stepchildren:

• Only about 20% of adult stepkids feel close to their stepmoms, says the pioneering work of E. Mavis Hetherington involving 1,400 families of divorce, some studied almost 30 years. "The competition between non-custodial mothers and stepmothers was remarkably enduring," she writes in For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered.
• Only about one-third of adult children think of stepmoms as parents, suggests Constance Ahrons' 20-year research project. Half regard their stepdads as parents. About 48% of those whose moms had remarried were happy with the new union. Only 29% of those whose dads had remarried liked the idea of a stepmom. Ahrons is a sociologist and senior researcher with the non-profit Council on Contemporary Families

http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/life/2002/2002-05-07-stepmom.htm

A Healthy Stepfamily Takes Time

About 75 percent of those who divorce will eventually remarry (3). However, one of the most common misconceptions about stepfamilies is that everyone will bond quickly and smoothly. Stepfamily expert Ron Deal shares, "The average stepfamily takes seven years to integrate. Parents want to believe their kids will be OK, thus the power of hope blinds couples to the realities of stepfamily integration" (4). Many couples enter a remarriage without researching or believing that it's not uncommon for the kids to struggle or battle the relationship. When parents attempt to rush or force the relationship between stepchildren and stepparent, it creates tension and sets the marriage up for failure.

Family support and acceptance of the new marriage is vital for this new family.  If negative or unsupportable feelings surface than it is in the best interest of husband and wife to choose for them what their family/friend tree will look like.   It is more common than realized for the step mom to be rejected for the role they are in.  Not the person they are.  

Children Need Dad
A smart stepmom encourages her husband to spend time alone with his kids. When dad remarries, a child may view the new relationship as a threat. Dads often don't know how to respond when the kids are jealous and don't want to share him with the new wife. Therefore, it's important for the stepmom to initiate and support activities between dad and his kids. Gradually integrate activities together as a stepfamily.