Opinions do not matter when it comes to ones feelings.
A big problem I have found reading other peoples posts online is two things.
1) Most all new wives of a Divorced Dad with the ex wife still attending family functions are uncomfortable.
-Why?
From personal experience as well as what I have read. We are treated different when we are all together. We are actually treated poorly. Sad but true.
There seems to be an overcompensation toward the old wife to show love and affection.
Wether we came along right after the divorce or like me 10 years later we are treated as if we are the reason for the divorce. It feels like we are having a current affair.
Now is this just in our presence or all the time? I don't know
Does the family feel that this ex-wife is still part of the family? Irrelevant
2) From an outside opinion it is easy to say RELAX or DO IT FOR THE KIDS
but in reality the kids watching the new wife being treated poorly hurts the relationships they are trying to build not help.
As a step daughter myself it took me years to understand why my grandparents wanted nothing to do with my step mother. It was confusing and hurtful. I wish as a child that my dads family could have seen how fun my step mom was the way I did. We did cool new things! ..they would not even talk about her. Only asking me how my mom was. Letting me know subconsciously what side they were on.
What I am doing for the kids for now is STAYING AWAY
I NEED a happy healthy life
The negativity I receive from my husbands family as if I am doing something wrong all the time.
If you are in a similar situation and have a "new wife" in your family. Surround her with love. Treat the new relationship with extra love and support. It is a special needs relationship. It was build on pain and hurt of a divorce. They have their own family together and need the love and support of FAMILY. You can not fix the broken relationship but you can chose to forgive move on and love. With or without the ex wife in the room
A big problem I have found reading other peoples posts online is two things.
1) Most all new wives of a Divorced Dad with the ex wife still attending family functions are uncomfortable.
-Why?
From personal experience as well as what I have read. We are treated different when we are all together. We are actually treated poorly. Sad but true.
There seems to be an overcompensation toward the old wife to show love and affection.
Wether we came along right after the divorce or like me 10 years later we are treated as if we are the reason for the divorce. It feels like we are having a current affair.
Now is this just in our presence or all the time? I don't know
Does the family feel that this ex-wife is still part of the family? Irrelevant
2) From an outside opinion it is easy to say RELAX or DO IT FOR THE KIDS
but in reality the kids watching the new wife being treated poorly hurts the relationships they are trying to build not help.
As a step daughter myself it took me years to understand why my grandparents wanted nothing to do with my step mother. It was confusing and hurtful. I wish as a child that my dads family could have seen how fun my step mom was the way I did. We did cool new things! ..they would not even talk about her. Only asking me how my mom was. Letting me know subconsciously what side they were on.
What I am doing for the kids for now is STAYING AWAY
I NEED a happy healthy life
The negativity I receive from my husbands family as if I am doing something wrong all the time.
If you are in a similar situation and have a "new wife" in your family. Surround her with love. Treat the new relationship with extra love and support. It is a special needs relationship. It was build on pain and hurt of a divorce. They have their own family together and need the love and support of FAMILY. You can not fix the broken relationship but you can chose to forgive move on and love. With or without the ex wife in the room
1 comments:
I totally agree with this!
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